They call me Homeless Joe. I stay down the road from Joe the Plumber who owns a house.
I’ve never been a plumber, not much of anything actually. I don’t have any REAL estate like Joe the Plumber has, but a judge just ruled in my favor. I can now vote because I get to use my park bench as my address. Send your congratulation cards to:
12345 Park Bench
Anytown, Ohio 34567-1345
Boy am I coming up in the world. I don’t own any REAL estate in this world. I don’t own any PRIVATE property, but now I can use a FIXTURE (an appurtenance they call it) on PUBLIC property as my address. So now I can vote!
Yesterday Jo the Paralegal was walking by 12345 Park Bench and I heard her mumble something about a legal fiction. I guess she didn’t like it that she had to rent or buy her REAL estate so she could have an address while poor old Homeless Joe could get one for free in the local park. "Whatever," I said as she continued to mutter.
My right to vote was always there, but I didn’t have an address so I just figured I couldn’t convince the election judges to allow Homeless Joe to register. Then an amazing thing happened; an angel of mercy came by this morning. Jo the Registrar from ACORN told me I could register to vote now that I had an address. She gave me a cigarette and a buck and arranged to pick me up on voting day.
Homeless John came up the back alley just then and Jo the Registrar gave him the address of 12346 Park Bench across the sidewalk, signed him up to vote and arranged for him to get an absentee ballot because he was going to be too busy to vote on Tuesday because he had a drug deal going down that day.
Yah know, I just thought of something! Now it makes sense. Homeless Joe’s vote counts just as much as Joe the Plumber’s does. I heard him protesting the other day to his helper when they were fixing MY public drinking fountain that some guy named Senator Obama wanted to spread the wealth around. Joe the Plumber was steamed. I bet he’ll really be steamed when he figures out I’ll vote for this Obama dude ’cuz I’m gonna get some of that wealth.
It gets even better than that. Homeless Joe’s vote is gonna count for a lot more than Joe the Plumber’s. 12345 Park Bench is just where I sleep. I have coffee break at 12001 Park Bench in the morning and 9809 Park Bench in the afternoon. I have a snort at 12357 Park Bench after supper (I know they're all odd addresses. I'm an odd kind a guy). I’m sure I could arrange all the addresses with Jo the Registrar from ACORN and I’d get more cigarettes and some more bucks. With all my addresses I can vote in the Socialism Joe the Plumber was so angry about. That Marx guy sounds pretty good—"to each according to his need"—something like that. I'm gonna visit a lot of precincts on Tuesday that I have never seen before.
And now with an address, I can build a shanty on public property over this park bench and have some REAL estate and I won’t have to pay REAL estate taxes like Joe the Plumber does. I could build an afternoon cabin too. Oh man! This is REAL living. This is representation without taxation! It can't get any better than that.
I'll see yah later. I've gotta run. I have to find that guy with the little red wagon.